Week one of my "adventure" has proved to be a bit rough. Partly because it was an exhausting week in general (which explains why I have already strayed from my "posting on Sundays" idea) and partly because this first verse is rather vague and doesn't seem to hold much to study on within its handful of words. Yet, I did manage to round up a few interesting things in my quiet times this week.
This week I studied on the sum-it-up verse at the beginning (Proverbs 31:10) of the "Hymn to a Good Wife," as The Message version calls it. "A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds." Before studying, I just sat and pondered on the verse for a bit. This could go so many different directions, as there are so many definitions of "a good woman." I live in a college town, so I'm sure many of the guys you asked around here would say a good woman is one who always looks good and can hold her alcohol well. But it you ask the men within the church, I'm sure the expectations would be a bit different. The passage goes on later about the attributes of a good woman, so I won't dwell on that much (considering the next few months will be full of discovering what a "good woman" is.)
The Amplified Bible quotes this first verse as, "A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman -- who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls." I liked this version better because it gives you a bit more to aim for. It also made me question myself... Am I capable? Am I intelligent? Am I virtuous?
I'm capable of a lot of things, and of juggling all of those things simultaneously, so I felt like I had that one covered. I consider myself to be somewhat intelligent. I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm well-read, retain knowledge well, and did well in school, so I figure that's about as intelligent as I can get as of now. But am I virtuous? Virtuous is defined as "conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright." Now, there is something to work on. No matter how virtuous you think you are, there is always room for improvement. We will never be perfect, especially with Christ as our role model. But we are called to pursue perfection and work to be like Him. Ephesians 5:1-2 says, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." I personally know that I do not walk in love as I am called to be doing. Sure, I love my husband, my son, my family, my friends... But I hold grudges. I don't pray for the ones who make me angry. I don't show compassion towards those who need help/love. Sometimes, I don't even show love towards the people that it should be easiest to show it to! But why?
I think a big part of why we withhold love from others at times is our sinful self-centeredness. In an article for Elle magazine in 2011, Heidi Julavits stated, when speaking about why she doesn't enjoy conforming to being a typical "wife," "This is not just me refusing a gender category. This is me refusing heartbreak. I do not caretake because I am taking care. I am taking care of myself. I am being cautious, tentative, and selfish." I find it sad that she pushes away from taking care of her family because of wanting to care more for herself, but I realize that no matter what we say, we ALL do it! It's our selfish flesh coming out and pushing us further from the roles we are in and, ultimately, further from God. When we give in to that instinct to make sure that we are taken care of before we can be bothered to provide for others, that selfishness is winning and growing within us. I'll freely admit that I have a problem with selfishness at times. It doesn't seem fair that I don't get to sleep straight through the night when I'm exhausted or not feeling well. Or that I don't get to sit through an hour long television show without being interrupted. Or that I am lucky to get a shower every-other-day. But that's the role I've chosen. I wanted to be a wife and a mother, and sometimes I forget that those responsibilities don't only last from nine-to-five like most jobs.
Being worn out is a hard thing to overcome sometimes. I go through phases where, after my son is asleep and I should be cleaning up from the tornado that is a very fast crawling/almost walking 9 1/2-month-old, I just want to sit and do absolutely nothing. Not even think. And sometimes I give in and that's exactly what I do until it's time to go to bed. Then I wake up the next morning overwhelmed with everything that has to be done to prepare for the day (after, of course, waking up multiple times at night.) Am I saying that it's wrong to let yourself rest after a long day? Of course not! But there is a time for rest, and a time to get things accomplished. If I know that not cleaning up the kitchen before bed is going to make me wake up frustrated and cause the next day to be bad, then I should probably spend twenty minutes cleaning up the kitchen, and then relax and do nothing.
What about being worth "far more than diamonds?" Salary.com posted an article on what a mom is worth. A stay-at-home mom juggles, on average, 94.7 hours of work a week, broken down into the categories of a CEO, Facilities Manager, Laundry Operator, Computer Operator, Housekeeper, Cook, Daycare Teacher, Van Driver, Janitor, and Psychologist. Based on the base salaries of all of those jobs, they say that a mom is worth $112,962 per year! Man, if only someone saw that and actually paid us that! I don't know diamond prices well (and all of the references I looked up were far too difficult for me to navigate,) but I'd say she's worth far more than diamonds in her lifetime of work! Of course, every wife/mother has different duties they tackle on a daily basis, but it sure made me appreciate my mother a lot more when I became one myself and realized how hard it was to manage it all with just one child when she made it through with four of us.
So in my studying this week, I've realized that I'm not striving to be Christlike nearly as much as I should be. It should be a constant goal! And that my flesh wins many more times than I would like it to. But I also realize that I am human and will never be perfect. All I can do is pursue Christ wholeheartedly, and provide for my family in whatever way I can so that they are able to grow in their relationship with Christ as well. In the end, that's all that's really going to matter.
Next week I'll be studying "Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it." Enjoy a blessed week, and check back in (hopefully!) on Sunday! :)
Blessings,
Trish
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