Doing Good; Not Harm

This week, I studied on Proverbs 31:12, "Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long." (MSG) Another version (ESV) says, "She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."  How often are we doing harm to our husbands?  When you have this permanent roommate who sometimes doesn't pick up his socks, or forgets to tell you the house looks great or dinner was delicious, it is easy to lash out and say things without thinking.  Even the smallest snide comment is verbal abuse.  James warns us about how deadly our tongue can truly be. "For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God." (James 3:7-9 ESV)  Our tongue can get us into so much trouble!

I know that this is something I have struggled with the past few years.  When something displeases me, I typically keep quiet.  But if it happens multiple times, it just builds up and eventually I just burst open and who-knows-what comes out of my mouth!  God threw that back in my face a few months ago when I realized that the "tone" that I had complained to my husband about noticing him use at times had begun to become my tone as well.  In the process of suppressing my feelings, I had taken on the very trait that had upset me in the first place.  Since the day God showed me my mistake, I have begun to think more often before I speak.  I have learned that sometimes a comment isn't needed, no matter how frustrated I can be.  And I have learned that there is always a time for discussion when you are upset with your spouse and something needs to be addressed, but that moment is rarely the second that you become upset.  Walking away and praying is by far the most successful way to approach a situation where you need to learn to tame your tongue.

Don't get me wrong...  Walking away can be so hard at times.  When you know you're right, and you can't stand feeling wrong, all you want to do is remedy the situation right in that moment.  But when you address things in anger, is it really edifying to your relationship?  Does it ever resolve anything?  Or does it just make you both angrier and cause an even bigger problem?  I'm sure you know the answer to that one...  Stephen and Alex Kendrick summarized it well in their book, The Love Dare.  "For the most part, the etiquette you use at home is much different than the kind you employ with friends, or even total strangers.  You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind.  Yet if you dare to love, you'll also want to give your best to your own.  If you don't let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your marriage relationship will suffer for it."  Ouch, right?

As women, we don't only have trouble taming our tongues at home.  Our flesh naturally tends towards being "gossipy."  Put a gaggle of ladies together and oh my, the things you will hear.  But we need to treat our husbands generously even when they aren't around!  It is sinful to portray our husbands as mean, incompetent, antagonizing men just because we are in a group of ladies who also have permanent roommates that don't pick up their own socks.  Our speech is one of the most telling things about our relationship with Christ.  One who is developing a deep, personal relationship with Him is not also slandering those whom she has professed to love in front of God.  Mark A. Kassian says in Girls Gone Wise, "Cultivating godly speech is one of the biggest challenges for women today.  Pop culture encourages us to sin with our speech.  It encourages us to talk lots and loudly, to speak up and make ourselves heard, to gain favor with flattery, to be cunning, to manipulate, to be brazen, and to demand that others give us what we want.  But the Bible says that excessive, duplicitous, and manipulative speech only leads to strife, iniquity, ruin, and trouble (Psalm 55:9-11).  God's way is very different from the world's way and, paradoxically, much more effective."
How do you speak to your husband, how do you speak about your husband, and how do those two types of speech differ?  Perhaps some of the problems we feel we are experiencing in our marriage could be remedied by simply taming our tongues...

While you think on that post for the next week, I'll be studying up on the next two verses.  I've chosen to combine Proverbs 31:13,14, "She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.  She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises."  Have a great week, and thanks for checking in on this awesome, and convicting, journey so far!

Blessing,
Tricia